5 Out of 33: Maintenance

I've mentioned in previous posts about my struggles with weight loss.  This past nine months I've had some interesting ups and downs related to that.  Every weight loss surgery has risks and side effects as a result.  I had lap band which is the least invasive.  It has the least amount of complications and fatalities, but the main reason I chose this surgery was because it is adjustable and you have to be accountable.  Lap Band patients traditionally loose less than patients who've have gastric bypass and other surgeries, but that was something I was prepared for.  I had three weights in my head when I went into surgery:

1. 170: This was my initial goal.  For my height according to BMI charts (which I don't love, but that's besides the point) that would still make me "overweight" but knowing that patients who undergo lap band surgery loose less than others I wanted to give myself a realistic expectation.  I hit this weight about 2 years ago and it felt good.  I plateaued for a bit and assumed that was where I would stop.

2. 150: This was the goal my surgeon was hoping I would reach.  This put me in the "healthy" BMI range for my height.  About a year or so ago I ramped up my cardio a little bit and hit this goal.  It felt fantastic.

3. 130: This was a vanity thing in my head that I never thought I would reach.  I hit this weight about six months ago.  I loved how it looked and I loved the size I was slipping into, but I didn't feel great.

I had developed acid reflux which is a common side effect of lap band and I lost most of those last 20 pounds due to eating little and regurgitating when I ate too much.  Even though this was still a "healthy" weight people were commenting that I looked too thin.  I had some liquid removed to have a looser band and put some weight back on.  The thought of gaining a little weight was scary because there is a part of me that is terrified I'll be obese again, but people commented that I actually looked better.  My weight constantly has been between 135-140 the past few months and it feels healthy.  I occasionally still get episodes of acid reflux but I've learned those are stress induced so I'm trying to minimize stress.

Now I'm in maintenance which is a new place for me.  I'm not training to loose weight, I'm just trying to stay at my current weight range.  Enter in the Fitbit my cousin got me.  I'm not so concerned with tracking calories, but more tracking things like my water intake, sleep, and activity.  I want to see what I need to do to maintain my current size.  If I gain weight at some point I'll have to start tracking food and logging calories again, but for now that isn't a concern.  This is an interesting new chapter.  I've never been in this place before.

Photo by Gadgetmac 

4 Out of 33: Revisit the Vision Board

Last year I was focusing on balance and part of one of my challenges was coming up with a vision board .  I hung it in my living room and lately I've been staring at it a bit bothered by the blank spaces.  I decided to revisit it and add to the board.  It looks less uniform now which is actually more my style, but what surprised me wasn't the aesthetics as much as what I was adding to the board.

When I created the vision board I was filling it with quotes about self esteem and body image because that is what I was occupied with last year.  Not that those aren't things that I still struggle with, but I found myself gravitating to other things.  When I finished the board I realized I was adding quotes about inspiration and motivation.  I think that is because I want to be seen as someone who is inspiring and motivating, but also in thinking about open doors I want to be open to inspiration coming from unexpected places.

 I also found myself adding more images this time around. They were mostly faces of women, not any famous women, but depictions of the type of women from other eras that I admire: flappers, 19th century stage actresses, free spirits of the Flower Power days.  These are women who enjoyed life, weren't dragged down by inhibitions or social norms, and didn't let romantic relationships dictate their life.  I'm not surprised I added these images.  This sounds cheesy, but lately I've been thinking about the scene from my favorite Disney (I know right?) cartoon, Beauty and the Beast where Belle runs out into the field of grandfather dandelions and proclaims, "...and for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they've got planned."  No wonder she was my favorite Disney heroine growing up, I still feel like I've never been in a relationship with a guy who fully got me.  I sympathize Belle.

The other image I added were some butterflies.  I used to be very into butterflies as a kid.  I used to think I was like a caterpillar and someday I'd be something else, something beautiful and confidant.  Another cheesy cartoon obsession from my past was Katy the Caterpillar which was a Japanese film that was dubbed in English.  Katy doesn't fit in with the other caterpillars so she goes off to visit other animals and try and become them, but nothing works until she returns and builds a cocoon.  

I've been thinking about butterflies again, but not really in the body image context.  It is more about metamorphosis to the person I'm supposed to become.  So long story short I want to revisit my board every year.  I want to see where I change and grow each year and what my new priorities become.

3 Out of 33: Dye My Hair a Crazier Color

Last year I went blonde which was something I've always wanted to do.  I'll be going back to brunette eventually, but I wanted to go an unnatural color first.  I experimented with chalk before going pink.  It is a lot of fun.  I've wanted to do this since I was a teenager, but never had the balls.  I'm starting to grow a pair now....about time!

Finding Home

Last month I talked about the theme for this year of trying to see everything as an opportunity and looking for open doors.  This month I've been thinking a lot about home.  What is a home?  Who makes up your home?  I have two wonderful sisters and they are my family.  They both have significant others and extended families as a result.  I don't feel left out by my sisters at all, but there are times where it does feel a bit like odd man out, particularly around holidays.  I'm never left out, but there are times when I choose to bow out of functions because I don't quite fit into the mix.

This doesn't make me wish I was in a relationship.  I actually think that is a really dangerous path I've witnessed some friends go down, pursuing relationships because everyone around them is in a couple.  I don't see single hood as the issue, for me any way.  The issue is what is home?  Who is home?  Where am I comfortable in my own skin?

I've been obsessed with reading books by Rebecca Solnit lately. She writes on topics that are obsessions of mine, walking, getting lost, etc.  In a book of her's that I am currently reading, The Far Away Nearby she focuses on storytelling and empathy.  There was a passage that stuck out to me as I've been reflecting on home.  "...places were more reliable than human beings, and often much longer-lasting..."  That may seem cold, but I've lived in New York for over seven years now.  Friends come and go, but the city is constant.  Is that my home?

Photo by Zara Gonzalez 

Lately I have also been obsessed with purging my apartment of things I don't need/want.  My hope is to eventually update the layout and decor to reflect myself better.  I've always been a renter and never a property owner, yet I'm very interested in making this place feel more like me.  Is my apartment my home?

Friends are also key.  I have friends both near and far.  I don't get to see many of my friends as often as I would like, but my closest friends and I are always able to pick up where we left off.  Is that home?

The answer I think is all of the above are home.  It isn't a place or a particular person, but a weaving of both past and present.  Any gaps I feel or moments of displacement are like rooms that are bare.  They are there I just need to figure out what to fill them with.

2 out of 33: Volunteer

Volunteering is something I've been wanting to do for a while.  I volunteered in high school and college for a variety of different of causes.  I even have done some one off volunteering since being in NYC.  I did want to do something that is semi regular though.  It is hard for me to commit to something weekly, so I wanted to find an opportunity that was flexible and was also for a cause I cared about.

I decided to start volunteering with Rabbit Rescue and Rehab which is where I adopted Milo from last winter.  It is a wonderful experience getting to spend some time with these adorable bunnies and educate people about having rabbits as pets.  I'm loving this and look forward to helping more buns find loving forever homes.

1 Out of 33: 30 Day Creative Challenge

One of my first challenges last year was a 30 day selfie challenge. I like 30 day challenges because it is cool to see what you can accomplish in a defined period of time.  For August I did a 30 day creative challenge based loosely off of one I found on Connection to Creative.

I spent a little time everyday working on a craft, gift, or writing.  Will this be a daily part of my life?  Probably not.  Writing is and I hope to keep it that way.  I love crafting, but it isn't a passion for me the way that writing is.  I want it to be part of my life more though and this challenge was a nice way to jump start that.

This Year's Theme

In my last post I talked about my theme for last year's challenge which was balance.  While balance is something I'll always be working on I wanted this year to have it's own theme and overarching challenge.  There are many things I thought about doing and who knows I may use some of these during a future year.

The one I ultimately chose, hit me by accident.  I was at the dollar store buying craft supplies and they had 2015 calendars out.  I had no intention of getting a calendar.  We still have several months left to go in 2014, I tend to get at least one wall calendar as a holiday gift every year, and I am such a convert to digital tools that I gave up things like paper calendars and planners a couple years back.  However there was one that stuck out to me.

There was one with different doors from all over the world and different quotes mostly around doors opening.  I purchased it...hey it was only a buck...and am using it not as a calendar, but as inspiration for this year.  Is my theme doors?  No.  These images and quotes got me thinking though.  In most areas of my life I'm an optimist, especially when it comes to my friends.  If I had a role in life it would be the cheerleader.  I'm an encourager and I try to be as supportive as possible...to others.  I really stink at doing this for myself.  I see challenges in my own life as roadblocks and when things don't work out the way I had hoped it would I just see doors slamming in my face.  What I want to work on this year is seeing the closed doors as opportunities not failures.  When the door closes on one possibility another one opens it.  I need to take a step back and recognize what options I really have in these situations and if there are opportunities that may be better than the original path I was taking.

Photo by Riccardo Cuppini 

So that is this year's theme and partially why I'm choosing not to have preset achievements.  Let's see where the year goes.

“She knocked and waited, because when the door was opened from within, it had the potential to lead someplace quite different.” -Laini Taylor 

33 Before 33

I started this blog around New Year's Day as an alternative to a New Year's resolution.  I'm not big on New Year's resolutions.  In my past experience I tend to set some lofty goal (usually weight loss related), I'm diligent for about two weeks, and then when I realize it is impossible to achieve I give up and feel like crap about myself.

32 before 32 was a great experience.  I had eight months (it was a little rushed because I started in January instead of August) to complete 32 things I wanted to.  I approached it by having a mix prescribed goals to hit and some unexpected ones that came out of where the year took me.  I also had an overarching theme of balance.

What I learned from this experience was that I loved the spontaneous accomplishments more than premeditated ones and that the overarching theme for the year was helpful.  Balance is a life long challenge for all of us and something that I always need to keep in perspective, but for 33 before 33 I've decided a new theme is in order...more on that soon.  I've also decided to not prescribe any specific achievements and to instead see where this year takes me.  33 before 33 here we go.

32 Out of 32 Celebrate My Birthday

This might seem like a silly and almost self centered thing, but celebrating my birthday has taken on a new meaning for me.  I love celebrating other people's birthdays, but never really cared that much about my own.  When I started this blog I mentioned that my mom passed away a few days before my 30th birthday.  What I didn't mention was that her funeral was on my 30th birthday.

It has become really important to me that my birthday not be this sad day that I don't look forward to each year.  Instead I wanted it to be something to celebrate.  Spending time with the people in my life who are either my family or are now family by extension is the best gift I could ask for.  Sometimes I feel like a little lost girl and when I see the messages and cards from people far away and experience the hugs and and conversations with friends near by I'm reminded that I'm not alone and I'm actually the luckiest girl in the world.

This year has been a crazy journey towards balance.  Is it over?  Of course not.  Balance is always in flux and something to strive for.  It is something I will continue to work on, but on to another year and another set of challenges.  I'm looking forward to what 33 before 33 has to offer.

31 Out of 32: Learn a New Skill

I've mentioned Skillshare in a number of my other posts.  Besides brushing up on old skills it has also been helpful for learning some new ones.  I really wanted to take a class to learn about html coding.  It is something that I wanted to learn for work.  I'm not a developer so the extent of my html knowledge has been simple codes that I can easily copy and paste when I'm launching a project, but I wanted to expand my understanding.

I built a simple portfolio site for myself.  It isn't elegant or complex, but it was a great way to start learning about something that seemed daunting that in fact wasn't as complicated as I anticipated it would be.  I can't wait to see what I'm going to learn next year!

Photo by Marjan Krebelj 

30 Out of 32: Disconnect

I know that I recently wrote about reconnecting , but equally important is disconnecting.  I know it seems like these too things contradict one another, but this I think they complement one another.  After all I said this was the year of balance.  By disconnecting I mean two things.

1. Taking time to unplug.  I  like most people am so dependent on technology for work and my personal life.  I've been forcing myself to take time everyday to do activities the require me to log off: working out, meditating, crafting, etc.  I've found that this helps me clear my head and remember there is this big, wonderful world outside of the internet.

2. Making sure I have me time.  My life gets busy between work, hanging with friends, networking, and dating.  I often would find myself with weeks where I never had any down time for me.  I've made an effort to make sure I at least get one day of me time.  It isn't always easy.  It often means turing down plans, but I do this to keep balanced and I find it helps me prevent myself from burning out on the other facets of my life.

29 out of 32: Flying Trapeze School

I have a bucket list of adventure experiences that I would eventually like to try.  Some are more low key like anti gravity yoga and having a ride in a hot air ballon.  Others are more high adrenaline, things like sky diving and zip lining.  This year I did one that was sort of in the middle-trapeze school!

It was terrifying at first, you forget you are in a harness and that there is a net below you.  It was also a really hard work out.  I did this last week and my muscles are still sore (most likely because they are ones I don't often use).  However the experience was totally worth it.  Oddly enough my favorite step was letting go and falling.  Falling should be scary, but I was making the choice when I was ready to let go so I felt in control.  It is an experience I'd like to have again.

28 Out of 32: Have 1000 LinkedIn Connections

This was one of those surprise milestones.  I noticed I was close to 1000 connections on LinkedIn and thought it would be a fun challenge this summer to see if through networking I could hit that milestone. I'm pleased to say I have 1002 prior to the big 32 so I met this challenge.  It may not be the most exciting achievement, but it has given me a boost about my confidence in networking.

Photo by Office Now 

27 out of 32: Start Pitching Articles Again

I used to write a lot more often than I do now.  I really miss it and want to go back to it.  I recently took some time to not just write but write with the purpose of sending things out.  I got a good response and even may have an essay published in September/October.

I was nervous because I hadn't been disciplined about it lately and thought I wouldn't remember how to pitch, but it was like riding a bicycle.  I don't want to fall into the bad habit of not keeping up with this so in addition to having to write for 30 minutes everyday, I also have a pitching plan.  I am making sure that each week I take time to craft pieces to send out and find publications to pitch to so I'm sending out four pieces a month.  We'll see what happens and if this leads to more writing opportunities for me, but for now it is just good to be doing something I enjoy again.

Photo by Pedro Simoes

26 Out of 32: Budget

I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world.  It isn't easy when you have student loans and a fixed income.  I have to admit I'm often envious of friends who can take multiple vacations abroad each year, have endless shopping sprees, and seem unburdened because their parents help them with things like rent, cell phone bills, etc.

But never having that luxury has forced me to be responsible for myself and my own finances.  I have a 401K but would like to be able to have more saved for both the future and in my current savings.  Some people call that a rainy day fund, I refer to it as Shit Hits the Fan account.  Hopefully I never have to deal with a medical emergency, sudden job loss, family crisis, etc but I want to be prepared if I do.  I also want to have more money for the fun things in life I want to do.

How do I get there though?  Prioritizing!  I downloaded Mint which is a great budgeting app.  I want to track where I am spending my money, where I can make cuts, and figure out what my priorities are so I know were to spend and where to save.  This is step one in something that will be a larger project over the next year...that's right already thinking about 33 before 33.  :O

Photo by doctorwonder

25 Out of 32: Reconnecting

I'm very lucky because I have friends all over the place.  I've lived in four different places and have friends in all of those cities still as well as friends who have moved to other places.  One of the hardest things has been maintaining friendships when you no longer live in the same place.  I've also found as I get older and my work life has become a bigger priority it has also become harder to find time for friends who do live in NYC too.

Photo by Billy Brown 

In the past few months I've made a concerted effort to reconnect.  I'm not a big emailer or texter...call me old fashioned. So I've been working on reconnecting in other ways.  Once a week I've other been getting together with a friend in the area who I haven't seen in a long time or calling a friend from out of town.  This may not seem like a big deal, but my friendships are the most important thing in my life and I don't want to let any of them lapse.

24 out of 32: Finding a Writing Routine

One of my goals that I felt I was failing at all year was finding a writing routine.  I would try blocking off a particular time or day and it always felt that life was getting in the way.  I kept coming up with excuses of why a routine wouldn't work for me, but then found that I got no writing done.  I decided to do the simplest thing possible as part of my larger getting organized process.  I scheduled in my daily to do list that I have to write for 30 minutes.  It doesn't matter when and it doesn't matter what, but I have to write for 30 minutes minimum a day.  It feels great when I'm able to surpass that goal, but it is small enough of a goal for me to know that I can always meet it.  Maybe I'll have a loftier writing routine in the future, but for now this works.

Photo by Gregory Wake 

Getting Lost

I'm reading a book right now that I can't put down.  It's called A Field Guide to Getting Lost .  I'm a fan of the author Rebecca Solnit and loved her book Wanderlust which is an overview on the history of walking.  In her book that I'm reading now she talks about walking again, but more in the form of getting lost.  I've always been a fan of exploring without an agenda and destination in mind.  She talks about that in the book, but also talks about loosing things and loosing people.

I've lost a lot of people that I've been close to over the course of my life so far and what she says on this really resonated with me.  She talks about how when you loose something or someone it is different than being physically lost.  You know where you are, but something is missing.  Even though I'm in my thirties not having a parental figure to turn when I could really use one makes me feel like a child. Sometimes it feels like there is a big void and nothing and no one can fill it.  If I were to be completely honest with myself I think a part of being so comfortable with being single is in part not wanting to get too close to anyone because I'm a little worried that I'll loose them too.  For as extraverted as I come across I keep really deep feelings and fears bottled up inside me even from my closest friends.

Photo by Brilho De Conta 

But I don't want fears and past sadnesses to dictate my future or create barriers between myself and the people I care most about.  I'm wrapping up my 32 before 32 and will soon be planning out 33 before 33...gulp, but this idea of opening up more is something that I feel will be a part of next year's challenge.  In her book Sonit also says, "Loosing things is about the familiar falling away, getting lost is about the unfamiliar appearing."  That may sound scary, but it also leads to the possibility of something wonderful and unexpected happening.

23 Out of 32: Learn to Meditate

Meditation is something that I've always been a little leery about to be honest.  There are so many types of meditation and I always assumed you needed to subscribe to Hinduism or Buddhism if you went to a meditation center to learn.  However as I have been looking for more balance this year the thought of meditating has been more appealing.

Photo by Talon Kasmai 

I found a center that uses Buddhist meditation practices, but waters it down for beginners.  You don't need to be a Buddhist or know anything about Buddhist philosophy to participate.  It is all about three things: 1. Posture, 2. Breathing, 3. Getting back on track if you get distracted.  Meditation is not easy and I get distracted with other thoughts easily, but I want to try to make this a simple 10 minute a day practice.  Will this change me and lead to more balance and less stress?  I have no idea, but I'm willing to try.  

22 Out of 32: Purging My Closet

I am terrible about spring cleaning.  I always think I'm going to do it, but never get around to it.  I decided this year to tackle it one task at a time to get what I could done.  I started with my closet.  I suffer from that common problem that most women have which is a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear.  I am a pack rat when it comes to such things I find excuses to hang onto to clothes that I don't really wear anymore: "That's too big now but what if I gain weight", "That needs to be taken in, but I'll get around to it," etc.

I have been a big fan of Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo and if I had disposable income I would hire their visual therapy services to do a closet/style consult.  Since that isn't my life I read their books.  In their first book Nothing to Wear  they break down cleaning out a closest into the simplest terms I could ever think of: Does it Fit, Does it Look Good on You, Do You Like It, and if the answer is no to any one of those questions you get rid of it.  Which is what I did.  Now I have a closet that only contains clothes that I love to wear.

Photo by LizMarie 

21 Out of 32: Get Organized

I mentioned in an earlier post taking a Skillshare class.  I've recently taken some more and in the middle of taking some others.  I mostly wanted to brush up on some computer programs and skills that I'm using more frequently such as html, keynote, and photoshop.  I'm also taking some more classes to brush up on my writing skills.

The one class that I have recently completed and has been more helpful than I imaged is one on productivity.  I have always been really good at making sure I leave the work week with everything all tied up.  The problem is I would work an insane amount of hours to get everything done.  Earlier this year I made a better work life balance effort and got myself to a point where I wasn't working crazy hours everyday and still producing work I was proud of.  I wanted to take it to the next level and find a way to get not just the priority things done, but the things that mean a lot to me in my personal and professional life.

Photo by Claire

Having things like to do lists and filing systems aren't my style.  I'm spontaneous by nature and am not a big fan of schedules.  The older I get the more I find myself depending on schedules especially for social things like getting together with friends.  The days of being bored on a random Saturday and packing up with some friends on a last minute road trip seem to be over.  I feel I end up booking plans weeks in advance because that's how we all operate now.  But there are some advantages to scheduling and tracking everything.

I've found that writing things down on a to do list gets them out of my head so I stress less about feeling like I have to remember everything.  Scheduling has helped me be able to map things out better and find open spaces to fill with spontaneous things and flights of fancy.  I get what I need to do done so I have more time to do what I want to do.  Another small step, but it makes life a bit less chaotic.

20 Out of 32: Dying my hair a crazy color

So I first dyed my hair when I was in 8th grade and had dyed it throughout most of high school.  I have been every shade of brunette, red, and was even a strawberry blonde at one point.  I have always had a desire to do something more drastic though.  I would always talk myself out of it with excuses like it wouldn't be professional or I'm too old.

I decided to throw caution to the wind and go Platinum Blonde!  Do I love it?  No (it is early though and it takes me about a week to warm up to a new hair cut or color).  Do I hate it?  No.  Am I glad that I did it?  Yes!  It was very liberating.  This wasn't the most exciting thing on my list of 32 things, but it was a huge act of bravery on my part.  Who knows maybe cotton candy pink hair is in my future.

19 Out of 32: Recognizing the Love of My Life

So when I first started this blog I mentioned that I'm not big on dating.  I'm even less into relationships. My last relationship was over two years ago and even that was merely noteworthy at best.  These past few months have been an interesting progress for me.

This winter I started seeing someone casually.  He was only in town for a few months on a freelance project so we agreed to keep it light.  We had a nice little fling and have not been in touch since he moved back to his home state.  It was perhaps the simplest "relationship" I've ever had.  There was fun, passion, and no hurt feelings by either party.

After that I thought maybe I can do this relationship thing.  So I started dating more and in late spring I started seeing this guy.  Again it was very casual.  We would only see each other about once a week. He was very nice and much more of a gentleman than most of the guys I've dated (I tend to date more frogs than princes).  However we got to that point during dating where things would have transitioned into a relationship a lot of things happened.  I was sick and then I got busy with work.  I kept canceling dates and taking rain checks, or finding excuses to not be free when he would ask me out.  This really nice guy didn't bolt, but was patient and never complained.  I felt bad that I just had too much going on in my life and ended up breaking things off for good.  My sister asked why I didn't just say I'm having a couple of crazy weeks and see if we could pick up in a few weeks.  That's when it hit me, I didn't do that because despite him being a nice guy whom I had a lot of common interests with and physical chemistry, I just wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

This got me thinking about relationships, dating and where they fit into my life.  I feel like the past decade of my life has been a cycle of not dating for long periods then serial dating because I thought that's what I should be doing.  I've rationalized all the reasons why dating was hard for me:  I wasn't pretty enough, I was a magnet for undesirable guys, guys whom I would be interested in weren't interested in me, I was too busy, etc.  I sat down with the truth which is I'm not in a relationship because...I don't want to be.

I'm not single because I have shortcomings.  I'm single because I choose to be. I had a very dear friend and mentor who gave me some good advice this winter when I was having my casual relationship.  He told me that because I love my job so much and am so invested in it I was going to have to make a choice.  He told me that I'd have room in my life for one other thing.  He said I could have a side project, a relationship, a hobby, etc but that to do both my job and my other thing well and personally be satisfied I'd have to choose just one thing outside of work.  I've made that choice and I choose me.  I choose to focus on writing projects that allow me the creative outlet I need, giving myself time to lead an active and healthy life, and being open to new experiences and journeys.

Does this mean I don't date?  No.  This means I am open to dating and the possibility of seeing where that could go, but not pursuing a relationship.  If I find someone who suddenly becomes priority enough for me to carve out the extra space in my life then so be it, but it isn't something I'm concerned about.

I've always known that if I remained single that I would be okay, but I'm finally embracing that I perhaps would actually prefer my life that way. When I'm an old lady (who will no doubt be senile with half a dozen bunnies running around her apartment) I want to think back on my life and make sure that I filled it with the things that were most important.  If I don't have a partner, spouse, or kids I don't think I'll regret that as much as I would waking up realizing that I gave up on professional dreams and personal aspirations because I was focused on finding a relationship. Do I have moments where I'm at a party of all couples and think why don't I have that...you bet your ass I do.  But, at the end of the day those moments are fleeting and the pros of being single outweigh the cons for me.  Unless that scale suddenly flips...I've found the love of my life and it's me.

18 Out of 32: Journal

When I recently went to San Francisco one of my favorite things to do was just walk through the neighborhoods.  I would take in the places and people.  When I needed a break I'd find a cafe to grab a coffee to read and people watch some more.  It reminded me of when I first moved to NYC.  That was how I got to know the city.

My favorite neighborhood was The Haight. I kept finding myself returning there to browse in funky clothing stores, grabbing a Cherry Blossom Latte or Jasmine Gelato at Coffee Cantana, and checking out all these sodas that I never knew existed at the Fizzary.   On my last trip to the neighborhood I picked up a journal at The Booksmith.  I haven't journaled since I was in college.

Photo by Walt Stoneburner 

I've blogged and had other writing outlets, but there is something to be said for journaling.  For me it has taken two forms.  One is a more traditional form of journaling which is just private conversations I have with myself.  My goal with this blog was to be as true to my voice as possible, but there is something to having a conversation with yourself that you can't replicate elsewhere.

The other form of journaling is less interesting, but has been helpful and that is just recording how what I do and intake make me feel.  I had a really bad couple of months of acid reflux and found that certain foods trigger it.  I made this realization through journaling what I eat.

Journaling can take all different forms.  About six months ago I reviewed old notes from the last time a journaled which was about 10 years ago.  It was interesting listening to my 21 year old self now.  I can't imagine what my 41 year old (gulp) self will think of what I'm writing now.

17 Out of 32: Going a Little Greener

As Kermit the Frog said, "It's not easy being green." There are lots of things I could be better about with reducing my carbon footprint.  I recycle like most people in New York do, although I have to say after visiting San Francisco, the West Coast has us beat when it comes to composting.  Despite NYC being a big city that often gets a bad rap for it's garbage, I have to say there are some easy ways to be green in this city.  I used to volunteer with Transportation Alternatives  a non profit dedicated to getting more people to walk, bike, or use mass transit.

Yet there were other things I could do in my life to be a little kinder to mother Earth.  Here are some new practices that I've adopted.  They may not change the world, but they make me feel better ecologically and in some cases physically.

Eating Greener: I recently wrote a post about eating cleaner.  The other great thing about cutting out processed foods is you can get everything you need at the farmers market.  I love helping out local farmers and venders, plus you enjoy fresh foods that you just can't get at the supermarket.  I never see Wild Strawberries at Gristedes and Lavender Honey Goat's Cheese at the farmer's market is better than your run of the mill processed cheese product any day.  The prices are great too!  I recently got the yummiest cucumbers for about a third of the price I would have payed at Whole Foods.  The farmer's market also is a good reminder for me to use my reusable bags.  Even Milo has gone green.  One of his favorite treats is when he gets wheatgrass from the farmer's market.  He get a lot of his other produce from the farmer's market too.  He loves his kale, carrots, and berries.  Another bonus to having him is since I live a alone I used to waste produce all the time, now there are two of us who can enjoy mother nature's yummiest before it spoils and has to be thrown out.

Milo going to town on his kale! 

Using Natural Products for Beauty and Hygiene: I had starting using Tom's of Maine deodorant years ago when I learned that aluminum was one of the ingredients in most store brand antiperspirants.  But this year I have gone even more natural.  Lately I've been getting a lot of comments on how healthy my hair looks.  I'm hesitant to tell people this when they ask what I've been doing but I stopped using store bought shampoo and conditioner because they are filled with harsh chemicals.  It sounds crazy, but I now wash my hair with baking soda and condition it with diluted apple cider vinegar.  By the way both of these products are amazing for other things.  I mix baking soda in my toothpaste for a whiter smile and apple cider vinegar is also a great skin toner and I drink a little to help with acid reflux flair ups.

Using Natural Products for Cleaning:  I don't like using chemicals when cleaning now that I have Mr. Milo.  White vinegar has been great for cleaning out things like his litter box but also for cleaning the hard wood floors in the rooms he hangs out in.

16 out of 32: My First LARP

I was never into Dungeons and Dragons or Magic as a kid.  I was a nerd, but a nerd of a different breed.  I have a number of friends who were/are into those games as well as LARPing (Live Action Roll Play).  LARPing isn't something that I thought I would really want to do.  I enjoy Lord of the Rings, but I have no desire to be an Elf and wear a medieval costume for a weekend.

However I recently had the opportunity to go to a LARP that was right up my ally.  I went to a James Bond themed event put on by Aces and Ops.  I love James Bond movies and have always had a fantasy about being a Bond Girl.  I did go a Pussy Galore once for a James Bond themed New Year's Eve party.  But, for this event I got to create my own character.  It was a lot of fun!  I dressed up in cocktail attire, went with some really good friends, and had a blast!  We got to take part in solving a mystery and formed alliances with other characters.

Image by Don Kennedy 

It was a really fun experience.  Okay so maybe I was letting my nerd flag fly a little, but who cares!  I did kick ass in the James Bond trivia round.  I can't wait for the next event!

 

15 out of 32: Eating Cleaner

I have been on more diets than I can remember at this point.  Weight wise I'm at a pretty healthy place, I'm five pounds lighter than my goal weight (which is okay since it is still a healthy BMI for me).  I'm focused more on toning than weight loss at this point.  

I have been working on altering my diet though.  Mostly because I have acid reflux.  It has progressively been getting worse, I am seeing a doctor (which I strongly recommend to anyone with any type of digestive issue), but I have noticed that I feel better when I eat certain foods and worse when I eat others.

The foods that I notice I don't typically feel great after eating are: meat, heavy dairy (full fat cheese, sour cream, etc), and white flour (breads, pasta).  So I've been making a conscious effort to cut these foods down to a minimum and focus on eating things that agree more with my stomach like beans, veggies, soy, and fish.

I started off slow by incorporating a meatless monday into my routine.  Now that has expanded to not keeping any of these foods that make me feel lousy and I'm trying to keep eating them period to a minimum.  It's a small start, but when I follow this plan I feel better.

Photo by Danny Boyster 

14 Out of 32: Help Others

I used to volunteer on a regular basis when I was a student.  When I first moved to NYC I would do some one off volunteering with God's Love We Deliver and Transportation Alternatives.  I have been wanting to volunteer on a more regular basis but it challenging for a few reasons.  1. A lot of the organizations I'm interested in helping don't really need volunteers at this point or need people on weekdays when I am working.  2. Time in general it is hard to commit to always being free at a given day or time every week.

I wanted to volunteer about something I was really passionate about and an opportunity presented itself to me.  Sparkpeople is a health and fitness website that I love.  I recently had the opportunity to lead one of the teams.  It is fun setting up fitness challenges, encouraging others, and being willing to share my story.  Vulnerability isn't my strong suit, so this is a good way to push myself.

This wasn't the type of volunteering I had in mind when I set this goal for myself, but this year is all about surprising myself.  

Photo by Oklanica 

13 out of 32: Take a Solo Vacation

I consider myself fairly independent.  I live alone, I was responsible for paying for my own education, and I am typically an initiator rather than a follower when it comes to making social plans.  I have traveled before on my own, but it has usually been day trips or an overnighter.  I've never gone on a full scale vacation by myself.  Actually I moved to New York almost 7 years ago and since then I have not traveled if it didn't involve going to see friends or family.

I wanted to take a trip that was for me and not worry about someone else's agenda.  I chose to go to San Francisco (more on that in an upcoming post).  I had a ball.  I do have friends there and met up with some of them, but I also had a lot of me time to explore.  What have I learned?  My favorite travel companion ever is...ME!

I had the time of my life and I have to start traveling like this more often.  I am learned things that I probably already knew about myself, but this experience just reinforced them.  These self realizations include:

1. I can make friends with anyone.  I'm did Airbnb for the first time and I really enjoyed the host I stayed with.  We met up for coffee most mornings before departing for our separate days.  In the course of one day I managed to strike up a conversation with a guy while waiting in line for the restroom, who proceeded to ask me out (I declined, mostly because at best you get a fling when you are only in town for six days and that's not what this trip is about), befriended patrons at a movie in The Castro Theater (including the man outside the theater with kittens), and chatted with some ex-New Yorkers who invited me to join their table at a coffee shop.

2. I have stamina.  I walked my tail off the whole trip.  Sure I was pooped by the end of the day, but life is too short to not take in as much as you can.

3. I'm game for anything. Not having plans lead to great encounters with people and places that I never would have had if I had made an agenda for myself.

I also learned what great company I can be.  I like to make this joke, that if I wasn't me I'd get tired of hanging out with me all day, which is really a self deprecating thing to think.  After this trip I realize what great company I am. I think a solo trip should be something I do every year now.

12 Out of 32: Empire State Building

Long time no post I know, but things are still on track.  I'm working on a lot of my 32 things at the same time, but I don't believe in posting something till you've finished it.

One thing I did complete was going to the top of the Empire State Building.  I tend to not do touristy things in NYC, but I've always wanted to do this.  From An Affair to Remember to Muppets Take Manhattan, it is a landmark that is featured in so many movies I love.

The view was fantastic and it was really special because I got to experience it with my friend Jim who hadn't gone there before either.  Sharing these experiences with friends make them all the more special.

Photo by Adam Lerner

11 out of 32: Save More

Last month was about splurging and treating myself better.  This month is treating myself better in a different way, through saving.  I may not splurge on myself all the time, but like most 30 somethings I still have student loans to pay and would like to be saving up more.  I have a 401 K, but I would like to be putting more towards that.  I'd also like to have more in my current savings to feel more secure if an emergency comes up and be able to travel more.

This month I challenged myself to see where I could cut.  Even when you don't think you are overspending, things like those lattes, impulse purchases at the grocery store, etc. can add up.

Here is what I've done so far, not finished with cutting, but it is a start.

1. I got rid of my cable. I made a one time purchase for a Roku which paid for itself in less than two cable bills.  I'm not home that often and now I can stream Netflix, Amazon, and 1000s of free channels with no monthly fee.  I have saved myself $492 a year.

2. Coffee.  I love coffee more than I love most people.  I used to have a cup at home and grab another on the way to work.  Now we have a really nice coffee maker at work, so I've cut down on grabbing a drink on the way in.  I allow myself one latte or coffee from a coffee house per week as my treat.  I have saved myself $416 a year.

3. Bringing in lunch to work.  I'd love to get up to five days a week, but I'm currently averaging three.  I bring my own lunch twice a week and once a week I'm part of a lunch club where we make lunch for each other so it is only my turn every fifth week.  This will hopefully result in a fatter wallet and a smaller waste line.  I've saved myself: $1,008 a year

4. Going out less.  I decided to go out one less night a week.  That means either working on personal projects, having some me time, or having friends over/going to their place where spending money isn't involved.  I've saved myself: $1, 144 a year

This is just the start.  So March is done and I'm 11/32.  Keep in mind I have a few in the works right now, but I don't believe in premature celebrating so I'll post those as they come.

Photo by Philip Brewer 

10 out of 32: Take a Class

I consider myself a life long learner.  I love taking classes for the sake of learning something new.  Not working in higher education or being a graduate student over the past couple years has lead to less opportunities to expand my horizons in those ways.  Time and money are obviously the biggest barrier.

Well no excuses anymore, I started taking some classes on Skillshare.  They are online courses which I tend not to be a fan of since I learn better by listening and doing than I do reading, but I have to say these are great.  They are video courses and you go at your own pace.  You have access to the class for life so I can go back and forward to review.  Prices vary, but the classes I have taken have been under $20 and in a few cases free.

Photo by velkr0 

 I've taken some writing courses and I've also taken a course in something new which will play into at least two more of my 32 before 32 challenges.  Stay tuned.

9 out of 32: Join a Club

You know that kid in high school and college who seemed to be in EVERY club or org and was president of at least half of them...I was THAT kid.  Even after Grad School I still managed to find ways to be part of clubs.  I joined Meet Up groups when I first moved to NYC and helped out with student organizations when I worked in education.

For the past couple years I haven't really been in any clubs.  I miss the structure, learning something new, and forging a connection with people over a common interest.  I decided I needed to to be part of a club again.  My friend Mary invited me to join her book club and it seemed like the perfect opportunity.

I love reading and this group has very eclectic tastes so I'm looking forward to reading books I never would have picked up otherwise.  I enjoyed our first meeting and I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone better and broaden my literary horizons.

Photo by Tom Belte 

8 out of 32: Treat Myself Better

Ending out the month by finishing another thing on my list .  I'm fitting in about 4 things a month which is a good number considering I had about 8 1/2 months when I started.  This averages out to around 4 things a month, so way to keep on track girl.

February was about splurging a bit.  Now by splurging I don't mean throwing all caution to the wind, but I do mean treating myself a bit.  I'm certainly not a tight wad when it comes to money, but I have noticed a pattern in myself over the past few years.  I am so good about spending money on other people: offering to pick up the tab when out with friends, buying treats for co-workers for no reason, etc. These are all nice things to do, but I realize that I do it a bit too often and sometimes for the wrong reason.  I will buy a friend dinner or a drink because he or she spent time with me on a heart to heart conversation.   I realize that turns into paying for someone to be your friend which cheapens the relationship and I'm also not the wealthiest girl.  I'll forfeit buying myself something like new clothes or something I need for the apt because I decided it was a better use of my money to buy a gift for no reason for someone else.

So I wanted February to be about me.  I didn't go crazy but I did allow myself to get some new outfits (size 4/6 thank you very much), have a nice tea at the Plaza with a friend, go out for restaurant week, and get a couple things for the apt.

 I won't have months like this every month, but it is important to remind myself that I'm worth doing nice things for. Now if February was about treating and splurging than March will have quite a different focus.  We're getting down to business now.  Some of these upcoming challenges will be a bit harder, but if it ain't hard it ain't a challenge.

Seeing Isn't Always Believing

I have been thinking lately about what I'd like to do when I grow up.  Friends ask me what I could see myself doing in Five or Ten years.  I hate that question because in truth I don't know, but what I do know is I would love to do something where my job is to make people feel better about themselves.  It bothers me when I see brilliant friends lacking confidence in their abilities, talented friends who are mortified at sharing their gifts because they aren't good enough, and beautiful people who think they aren't attractive.  I want to shake them and yell "why can't you see what I see", but I can't do that because I realize I don't see what other people see.

I spoke in an earlier post  about my body image issues.  I have never been as healthy or as small as I am currently yet I often feel inadequate.  I still often feel like the largest person in the room even though that isn't true.  To give myself some much needed perspective I looked up famous women who are my size and found out that I could swap outfits with J Lo, Beyonce, Kate Winslet, and Cindy Crawford.  I'm wear a smaller size than a number of other famous women whom I consider to be gorgeous.  So then why can't I cut myself some slack?  It goes back to the old adage of we're all our on worst enemies.  But I have to let it go.  Why?  If I'm my worst enemy then how can I be a friend to someone else?  If I don't believe others when they tell me I'm beautiful then why should they believe me when I say it about them?        

7 Out of 32: Healthy Work/Life Balance

One of my goals for this year was to have a better work life balance.  This is something I've always struggled with because I am a bit of a workaholic.  To me true balance is feeling like your able to be giving your all at work, but still having time for the other areas in your life.  Part of being single, I have to admit is allowing myself to say I'm too busy to date, but that is a cop out.  I've never worked at an office where we were so busy that no one had a romantic relationship.  I rarely allow myself to take vacation time.  Since I've been in New York for almost 7 years the only time off I've ever taken has been to visit friends or family during holidays or major life events.

I've decided that 2014 is the year of balance for me.  This means taking care of myself.  I still get to be the worker bee that I am because not being that way wouldn't be natural for me, there are still days where I will put in 15+ hours because it is needed, and I will still do some work on the weekend.  These are all part of my nature.  However what this means in terms of balance is not being afraid to take time off because I know I don't abuse that, disconnecting when I can (spending quality time with friends and not on my email if I don't have to be), trying to take at least one day during the weekend to be off line (that isn't always possible, but on weeks that it is allowing myself to do that).  I think this makes me more productive/pleasant because I won't burn out.

But balance also means focusing on work and your future.  You should never let it go to the wayside.  We should always be growing and developing.  My friend Elissa recently recommend that I read and take the Strength Finder assessment which as Elissa pointed out was quite helpful.  I (like a lot of people) can point out my weakness/shortcomings and whenever I have self assessments that is what I tend to focus on.  This gave me the opportunity to view things from a different lens.  The things that are my strengths aren't things that I would think of.  They are things that I assume everyone else is skilled in, but as my friend Elissa pointed out, not everyone is.  I read it through the lens she suggested which is think of how you communicate.  One of my strengths is Empathy and I honestly assume that most people are empathic, but I am realizing that being able to just read people is a gift that I wasn't aware of. Sometimes whether in work or my personal life I'll think how could someone phrase or do something in front of so and so, don't they know how hurtful that was.  The truth is, no they didn't.  Empathy and the other strengths I have are things I want to really focus on using to the best of my ability.

Milo "helping" with my vision board

The other recent thing I did is create a vision board.  I've heard of this and I'll admit I always thought it was kind of hokey.   But my friend Tina brought the idea of vision boards up a couple weekends ago and it seemed like an interesting exercise.  I had pulled images that spoke to me, but ended up focusing on words and phrase that stuck out to me.  These are things I want to see in my professional and personal life in the future. The one phrase that I put on there several times is "Love Who You Are".  I also happen to have this quote on my current wallet.  It is my reminder that I need to be easier on myself.  Because true balance and the things I want can't be achieved if I don't believe in myself and think that I'm worth it.

Quotes

Like all writers I am also an avid reader.  I am always absorbing new fiction, non fiction, and discovering classics.  I do have a set of titles though that keep bringing me back to them.  They're like old friends and rereading them can transport me to the first time I read them.  Since this is the month of Valentines, sappy cards, and expressing your love for others, I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from books. Whether with someone or single I gravitate back to these words and reflect on relationships both past and present.  Whether the relationship is romantic, a friendship, or with ourselves it constantly needs to be nurtured.  

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” -(Anne of Green Gables) Lucy Maud Montgomery 

I was seven when I first read Anne of Green Gables and proceeded to read the entire series.  I loved watching Anne grow and mature, yet stay true to herself.  Anne Shirley is still one of my role models.  I still refer to my closest friends as my kindred spirits.  

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'  -(The Velveteen Rabbit) Margery Williams

I loved this book as a child and revisited it recently since I got my own rabbit, who is very real.  ;)  This passage always makes me cry.  It is about a stuffed bunny asking how one becomes real.  The horse goes onto explain that the rabbit will be quite worn and tattered before he is real and the rabbit wishes he could be  real without having to go through that.  When you think about real life the people who we become the most "real" for are the ones who see us at our worst.  They see us through life's hardships and when we are at rock bottom.  They love us even more after we've earned our battle scars.  

(i do not know what it is about you that closes 
and opens;only something in me understands 
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) 
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands -(somewhere i have never traveled) e.e. cummings 

I was first introduced to e.e. cumming's poetry when I was in high school.  To this day he is still one of my favorite poets and this poem still touches me.  I always find myself thinking about this poem when I'm infatuated with a new gentleman.  

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” -(journal) Henry David Thoreau 

I became a fan of the Transcendentalists in college and Thoreau was may favorite.  I know everyone is a devotee of Walden and Civil Disobedience but I must confess that I'm more a fan of the essays and his journal.  I reflect on this quote when it comes to me and my writing.   I never want to write about something I know nothing about, that wouldn't be genuine to me.   

“Look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory.” -(A Tree Grows In Brooklyn) Betty Smith.  

I didn't read this classic until I was 25 and had just moved to NYC.  I was living in Brooklyn at the time and my mom sent this to me as a joke.  I have read this book a couple of times and love it dearly.  I feel a kinship with Francie Nolan that I did with Anne Shirley.  So many things about her relationship with her parents and younger sibling ring true to my childhood.  I love this line and in my personal life I take it a step further.  You should always look at everyone as though you are seeing them for the first or last time.  Say what you mean to and show them the love you have because you don't know when you'll have the opportunity to in the future.