8 out of 32: Treat Myself Better

Ending out the month by finishing another thing on my list .  I'm fitting in about 4 things a month which is a good number considering I had about 8 1/2 months when I started.  This averages out to around 4 things a month, so way to keep on track girl.

February was about splurging a bit.  Now by splurging I don't mean throwing all caution to the wind, but I do mean treating myself a bit.  I'm certainly not a tight wad when it comes to money, but I have noticed a pattern in myself over the past few years.  I am so good about spending money on other people: offering to pick up the tab when out with friends, buying treats for co-workers for no reason, etc. These are all nice things to do, but I realize that I do it a bit too often and sometimes for the wrong reason.  I will buy a friend dinner or a drink because he or she spent time with me on a heart to heart conversation.   I realize that turns into paying for someone to be your friend which cheapens the relationship and I'm also not the wealthiest girl.  I'll forfeit buying myself something like new clothes or something I need for the apt because I decided it was a better use of my money to buy a gift for no reason for someone else.

So I wanted February to be about me.  I didn't go crazy but I did allow myself to get some new outfits (size 4/6 thank you very much), have a nice tea at the Plaza with a friend, go out for restaurant week, and get a couple things for the apt.

 I won't have months like this every month, but it is important to remind myself that I'm worth doing nice things for. Now if February was about treating and splurging than March will have quite a different focus.  We're getting down to business now.  Some of these upcoming challenges will be a bit harder, but if it ain't hard it ain't a challenge.

Seeing Isn't Always Believing

I have been thinking lately about what I'd like to do when I grow up.  Friends ask me what I could see myself doing in Five or Ten years.  I hate that question because in truth I don't know, but what I do know is I would love to do something where my job is to make people feel better about themselves.  It bothers me when I see brilliant friends lacking confidence in their abilities, talented friends who are mortified at sharing their gifts because they aren't good enough, and beautiful people who think they aren't attractive.  I want to shake them and yell "why can't you see what I see", but I can't do that because I realize I don't see what other people see.

I spoke in an earlier post  about my body image issues.  I have never been as healthy or as small as I am currently yet I often feel inadequate.  I still often feel like the largest person in the room even though that isn't true.  To give myself some much needed perspective I looked up famous women who are my size and found out that I could swap outfits with J Lo, Beyonce, Kate Winslet, and Cindy Crawford.  I'm wear a smaller size than a number of other famous women whom I consider to be gorgeous.  So then why can't I cut myself some slack?  It goes back to the old adage of we're all our on worst enemies.  But I have to let it go.  Why?  If I'm my worst enemy then how can I be a friend to someone else?  If I don't believe others when they tell me I'm beautiful then why should they believe me when I say it about them?        

7 Out of 32: Healthy Work/Life Balance

One of my goals for this year was to have a better work life balance.  This is something I've always struggled with because I am a bit of a workaholic.  To me true balance is feeling like your able to be giving your all at work, but still having time for the other areas in your life.  Part of being single, I have to admit is allowing myself to say I'm too busy to date, but that is a cop out.  I've never worked at an office where we were so busy that no one had a romantic relationship.  I rarely allow myself to take vacation time.  Since I've been in New York for almost 7 years the only time off I've ever taken has been to visit friends or family during holidays or major life events.

I've decided that 2014 is the year of balance for me.  This means taking care of myself.  I still get to be the worker bee that I am because not being that way wouldn't be natural for me, there are still days where I will put in 15+ hours because it is needed, and I will still do some work on the weekend.  These are all part of my nature.  However what this means in terms of balance is not being afraid to take time off because I know I don't abuse that, disconnecting when I can (spending quality time with friends and not on my email if I don't have to be), trying to take at least one day during the weekend to be off line (that isn't always possible, but on weeks that it is allowing myself to do that).  I think this makes me more productive/pleasant because I won't burn out.

But balance also means focusing on work and your future.  You should never let it go to the wayside.  We should always be growing and developing.  My friend Elissa recently recommend that I read and take the Strength Finder assessment which as Elissa pointed out was quite helpful.  I (like a lot of people) can point out my weakness/shortcomings and whenever I have self assessments that is what I tend to focus on.  This gave me the opportunity to view things from a different lens.  The things that are my strengths aren't things that I would think of.  They are things that I assume everyone else is skilled in, but as my friend Elissa pointed out, not everyone is.  I read it through the lens she suggested which is think of how you communicate.  One of my strengths is Empathy and I honestly assume that most people are empathic, but I am realizing that being able to just read people is a gift that I wasn't aware of. Sometimes whether in work or my personal life I'll think how could someone phrase or do something in front of so and so, don't they know how hurtful that was.  The truth is, no they didn't.  Empathy and the other strengths I have are things I want to really focus on using to the best of my ability.

Milo "helping" with my vision board

The other recent thing I did is create a vision board.  I've heard of this and I'll admit I always thought it was kind of hokey.   But my friend Tina brought the idea of vision boards up a couple weekends ago and it seemed like an interesting exercise.  I had pulled images that spoke to me, but ended up focusing on words and phrase that stuck out to me.  These are things I want to see in my professional and personal life in the future. The one phrase that I put on there several times is "Love Who You Are".  I also happen to have this quote on my current wallet.  It is my reminder that I need to be easier on myself.  Because true balance and the things I want can't be achieved if I don't believe in myself and think that I'm worth it.

Quotes

Like all writers I am also an avid reader.  I am always absorbing new fiction, non fiction, and discovering classics.  I do have a set of titles though that keep bringing me back to them.  They're like old friends and rereading them can transport me to the first time I read them.  Since this is the month of Valentines, sappy cards, and expressing your love for others, I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from books. Whether with someone or single I gravitate back to these words and reflect on relationships both past and present.  Whether the relationship is romantic, a friendship, or with ourselves it constantly needs to be nurtured.  

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” -(Anne of Green Gables) Lucy Maud Montgomery 

I was seven when I first read Anne of Green Gables and proceeded to read the entire series.  I loved watching Anne grow and mature, yet stay true to herself.  Anne Shirley is still one of my role models.  I still refer to my closest friends as my kindred spirits.  

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'  -(The Velveteen Rabbit) Margery Williams

I loved this book as a child and revisited it recently since I got my own rabbit, who is very real.  ;)  This passage always makes me cry.  It is about a stuffed bunny asking how one becomes real.  The horse goes onto explain that the rabbit will be quite worn and tattered before he is real and the rabbit wishes he could be  real without having to go through that.  When you think about real life the people who we become the most "real" for are the ones who see us at our worst.  They see us through life's hardships and when we are at rock bottom.  They love us even more after we've earned our battle scars.  

(i do not know what it is about you that closes 
and opens;only something in me understands 
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) 
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands -(somewhere i have never traveled) e.e. cummings 

I was first introduced to e.e. cumming's poetry when I was in high school.  To this day he is still one of my favorite poets and this poem still touches me.  I always find myself thinking about this poem when I'm infatuated with a new gentleman.  

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” -(journal) Henry David Thoreau 

I became a fan of the Transcendentalists in college and Thoreau was may favorite.  I know everyone is a devotee of Walden and Civil Disobedience but I must confess that I'm more a fan of the essays and his journal.  I reflect on this quote when it comes to me and my writing.   I never want to write about something I know nothing about, that wouldn't be genuine to me.   

“Look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory.” -(A Tree Grows In Brooklyn) Betty Smith.  

I didn't read this classic until I was 25 and had just moved to NYC.  I was living in Brooklyn at the time and my mom sent this to me as a joke.  I have read this book a couple of times and love it dearly.  I feel a kinship with Francie Nolan that I did with Anne Shirley.  So many things about her relationship with her parents and younger sibling ring true to my childhood.  I love this line and in my personal life I take it a step further.  You should always look at everyone as though you are seeing them for the first or last time.  Say what you mean to and show them the love you have because you don't know when you'll have the opportunity to in the future.  

6 out of 32: Carriage Ride Through Central Park

So some of the things I was hoping to do on my list were classic New York things that I can't believe I've never done after living here for what will be seven years this summer.

My friend Elissa was in town for business so she stayed an extra day to hang out with me.  We went to SoHo, had tea at the Plaza, and dinner in Harlem.  I've done all these things, but they were new for her so that was fun.  After we left the Plaza there was a shortage of cabs so we walked over towards Central Park and saw the carriages.  I've never been on a carriage ride in the park and they may get banned because the mayor doesn't think it is kind to the horses.

Elissa decided this was something to do while we could.  So after heckling with Ginny our crazy driver who thought her horse was a unicorn we had a very freezing and beautiful ride through the park.  It is a classic New York thing to do and I'm glad I got to do it with one of my best friends.

Love

Valentine's Day is a holiday that most people love or boycott with a passion.  I personally fall somewhere in the middle.  I love vintage cards and bringing in treats for friends and coworkers.  But, I don't go in for the whole romance thing.  Even when I'm seeing someone around Valentine's Day I think it is better to do something low key since saying and showing someone that you care should be something you do everyday.

Photo by Leland Francisco 

This year I found myself in the in between being in a relationship and single.  I've been here before and it can be a confusing place.  I started seeing someone and we really like each other.  We have a lot of common interests, have great conversation, and the chemistry is fantastic.  Under normal circumstances we could have a relationship, but he doesn't live here and is only temporarily here for work.  I'm okay with the arrangement of seeing each other, but not pursuing this as something that will last beyond his stay.  It's good to have a fling every so often.  I find myself particularly guarded though,  I didn't want to do anything for V Day because I think it creates a lot of pressure.

What I do have to keep in check is myself.  Whenever I'm in this in between sort of relationship I have to ask myself is this perhaps the best type of relationship for me since I am so focused on work and other things in my life or do I allow myself to have something casual and temporary because I don't think I'm worth more than that.  In truth I don't know the answer, but I'm a work in progress.

So what is it I want in the future?  I don't have a biological clock issue.  I've never thought I'd be incomplete if I didn't get married or have kids.  I haven't ruled those things out as possibilities, but they aren't things I really think about.  I do think that I would like companionship in the future.  I'd like a guy whose my best friend and lover.  I don't know if that means marriage or even living together, again those aren't things I get hung up about, but the sliver of a hopeless romantic in me thinks that there is someone out there for me.

But enough with the mush.  If there is one thing I have learned it is I'd rather be single than with the wrong person.  I continue to be open to the possibility of love, but it isn't something I let consume me.

5 out of 32: Captain a Race Team

So in a previous post  I mentioned that for my goal of 32 things before 32 I had 25 prescribed things I need to do and that I would leave the remaining seven to chance.  Well number five is one of those chance things that wasn't planned but happened.

I love doing 5K and 10K runs.  This is amazing because I am a couch potato who only took up running in 2011.  I did the C25K program and in 2012 I did Bridge210K.  I don't run as much in the winter (especially this winter), but I look forward to the spring and fitting in a few runs a week.  I do some charity runs throughout the year.

Recently it was World Cancer Day and some friends and family and posted nice things about my mom, who passed away in 2012 after being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in 2010.  I would normally post something too, but this year I wanted to do something less passive.  So I looked for charity runs where the proceeds would go to finding a cure for brain tumors.  I found one in the NYC area in June.  I could have just signed up but instead I decided to become captain of a team.  I gave myself a goal of raising $250 for our team and recruiting 3 other members.  No members yet, but we have raised $115 dollars in just a couple of days.

I have four months to hit these goals, but just the shear act of this is amazing to me.  I never thought I'd be confident enough to captain a team for a run.  I really hope that my mom would have been proud of this.