Getting Lost

I'm reading a book right now that I can't put down.  It's called A Field Guide to Getting Lost .  I'm a fan of the author Rebecca Solnit and loved her book Wanderlust which is an overview on the history of walking.  In her book that I'm reading now she talks about walking again, but more in the form of getting lost.  I've always been a fan of exploring without an agenda and destination in mind.  She talks about that in the book, but also talks about loosing things and loosing people.

I've lost a lot of people that I've been close to over the course of my life so far and what she says on this really resonated with me.  She talks about how when you loose something or someone it is different than being physically lost.  You know where you are, but something is missing.  Even though I'm in my thirties not having a parental figure to turn when I could really use one makes me feel like a child. Sometimes it feels like there is a big void and nothing and no one can fill it.  If I were to be completely honest with myself I think a part of being so comfortable with being single is in part not wanting to get too close to anyone because I'm a little worried that I'll loose them too.  For as extraverted as I come across I keep really deep feelings and fears bottled up inside me even from my closest friends.

Photo by Brilho De Conta 

But I don't want fears and past sadnesses to dictate my future or create barriers between myself and the people I care most about.  I'm wrapping up my 32 before 32 and will soon be planning out 33 before 33...gulp, but this idea of opening up more is something that I feel will be a part of next year's challenge.  In her book Sonit also says, "Loosing things is about the familiar falling away, getting lost is about the unfamiliar appearing."  That may sound scary, but it also leads to the possibility of something wonderful and unexpected happening.