32 Out of 32 Celebrate My Birthday

This might seem like a silly and almost self centered thing, but celebrating my birthday has taken on a new meaning for me.  I love celebrating other people's birthdays, but never really cared that much about my own.  When I started this blog I mentioned that my mom passed away a few days before my 30th birthday.  What I didn't mention was that her funeral was on my 30th birthday.

It has become really important to me that my birthday not be this sad day that I don't look forward to each year.  Instead I wanted it to be something to celebrate.  Spending time with the people in my life who are either my family or are now family by extension is the best gift I could ask for.  Sometimes I feel like a little lost girl and when I see the messages and cards from people far away and experience the hugs and and conversations with friends near by I'm reminded that I'm not alone and I'm actually the luckiest girl in the world.

This year has been a crazy journey towards balance.  Is it over?  Of course not.  Balance is always in flux and something to strive for.  It is something I will continue to work on, but on to another year and another set of challenges.  I'm looking forward to what 33 before 33 has to offer.

31 Out of 32: Learn a New Skill

I've mentioned Skillshare in a number of my other posts.  Besides brushing up on old skills it has also been helpful for learning some new ones.  I really wanted to take a class to learn about html coding.  It is something that I wanted to learn for work.  I'm not a developer so the extent of my html knowledge has been simple codes that I can easily copy and paste when I'm launching a project, but I wanted to expand my understanding.

I built a simple portfolio site for myself.  It isn't elegant or complex, but it was a great way to start learning about something that seemed daunting that in fact wasn't as complicated as I anticipated it would be.  I can't wait to see what I'm going to learn next year!

Photo by Marjan Krebelj 

30 Out of 32: Disconnect

I know that I recently wrote about reconnecting , but equally important is disconnecting.  I know it seems like these too things contradict one another, but this I think they complement one another.  After all I said this was the year of balance.  By disconnecting I mean two things.

1. Taking time to unplug.  I  like most people am so dependent on technology for work and my personal life.  I've been forcing myself to take time everyday to do activities the require me to log off: working out, meditating, crafting, etc.  I've found that this helps me clear my head and remember there is this big, wonderful world outside of the internet.

2. Making sure I have me time.  My life gets busy between work, hanging with friends, networking, and dating.  I often would find myself with weeks where I never had any down time for me.  I've made an effort to make sure I at least get one day of me time.  It isn't always easy.  It often means turing down plans, but I do this to keep balanced and I find it helps me prevent myself from burning out on the other facets of my life.

29 out of 32: Flying Trapeze School

I have a bucket list of adventure experiences that I would eventually like to try.  Some are more low key like anti gravity yoga and having a ride in a hot air ballon.  Others are more high adrenaline, things like sky diving and zip lining.  This year I did one that was sort of in the middle-trapeze school!

It was terrifying at first, you forget you are in a harness and that there is a net below you.  It was also a really hard work out.  I did this last week and my muscles are still sore (most likely because they are ones I don't often use).  However the experience was totally worth it.  Oddly enough my favorite step was letting go and falling.  Falling should be scary, but I was making the choice when I was ready to let go so I felt in control.  It is an experience I'd like to have again.

28 Out of 32: Have 1000 LinkedIn Connections

This was one of those surprise milestones.  I noticed I was close to 1000 connections on LinkedIn and thought it would be a fun challenge this summer to see if through networking I could hit that milestone. I'm pleased to say I have 1002 prior to the big 32 so I met this challenge.  It may not be the most exciting achievement, but it has given me a boost about my confidence in networking.

Photo by Office Now 

27 out of 32: Start Pitching Articles Again

I used to write a lot more often than I do now.  I really miss it and want to go back to it.  I recently took some time to not just write but write with the purpose of sending things out.  I got a good response and even may have an essay published in September/October.

I was nervous because I hadn't been disciplined about it lately and thought I wouldn't remember how to pitch, but it was like riding a bicycle.  I don't want to fall into the bad habit of not keeping up with this so in addition to having to write for 30 minutes everyday, I also have a pitching plan.  I am making sure that each week I take time to craft pieces to send out and find publications to pitch to so I'm sending out four pieces a month.  We'll see what happens and if this leads to more writing opportunities for me, but for now it is just good to be doing something I enjoy again.

Photo by Pedro Simoes

26 Out of 32: Budget

I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world.  It isn't easy when you have student loans and a fixed income.  I have to admit I'm often envious of friends who can take multiple vacations abroad each year, have endless shopping sprees, and seem unburdened because their parents help them with things like rent, cell phone bills, etc.

But never having that luxury has forced me to be responsible for myself and my own finances.  I have a 401K but would like to be able to have more saved for both the future and in my current savings.  Some people call that a rainy day fund, I refer to it as Shit Hits the Fan account.  Hopefully I never have to deal with a medical emergency, sudden job loss, family crisis, etc but I want to be prepared if I do.  I also want to have more money for the fun things in life I want to do.

How do I get there though?  Prioritizing!  I downloaded Mint which is a great budgeting app.  I want to track where I am spending my money, where I can make cuts, and figure out what my priorities are so I know were to spend and where to save.  This is step one in something that will be a larger project over the next year...that's right already thinking about 33 before 33.  :O

Photo by doctorwonder

25 Out of 32: Reconnecting

I'm very lucky because I have friends all over the place.  I've lived in four different places and have friends in all of those cities still as well as friends who have moved to other places.  One of the hardest things has been maintaining friendships when you no longer live in the same place.  I've also found as I get older and my work life has become a bigger priority it has also become harder to find time for friends who do live in NYC too.

Photo by Billy Brown 

In the past few months I've made a concerted effort to reconnect.  I'm not a big emailer or texter...call me old fashioned. So I've been working on reconnecting in other ways.  Once a week I've other been getting together with a friend in the area who I haven't seen in a long time or calling a friend from out of town.  This may not seem like a big deal, but my friendships are the most important thing in my life and I don't want to let any of them lapse.

24 out of 32: Finding a Writing Routine

One of my goals that I felt I was failing at all year was finding a writing routine.  I would try blocking off a particular time or day and it always felt that life was getting in the way.  I kept coming up with excuses of why a routine wouldn't work for me, but then found that I got no writing done.  I decided to do the simplest thing possible as part of my larger getting organized process.  I scheduled in my daily to do list that I have to write for 30 minutes.  It doesn't matter when and it doesn't matter what, but I have to write for 30 minutes minimum a day.  It feels great when I'm able to surpass that goal, but it is small enough of a goal for me to know that I can always meet it.  Maybe I'll have a loftier writing routine in the future, but for now this works.

Photo by Gregory Wake 

23 Out of 32: Learn to Meditate

Meditation is something that I've always been a little leery about to be honest.  There are so many types of meditation and I always assumed you needed to subscribe to Hinduism or Buddhism if you went to a meditation center to learn.  However as I have been looking for more balance this year the thought of meditating has been more appealing.

Photo by Talon Kasmai 

I found a center that uses Buddhist meditation practices, but waters it down for beginners.  You don't need to be a Buddhist or know anything about Buddhist philosophy to participate.  It is all about three things: 1. Posture, 2. Breathing, 3. Getting back on track if you get distracted.  Meditation is not easy and I get distracted with other thoughts easily, but I want to try to make this a simple 10 minute a day practice.  Will this change me and lead to more balance and less stress?  I have no idea, but I'm willing to try.  

22 Out of 32: Purging My Closet

I am terrible about spring cleaning.  I always think I'm going to do it, but never get around to it.  I decided this year to tackle it one task at a time to get what I could done.  I started with my closet.  I suffer from that common problem that most women have which is a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear.  I am a pack rat when it comes to such things I find excuses to hang onto to clothes that I don't really wear anymore: "That's too big now but what if I gain weight", "That needs to be taken in, but I'll get around to it," etc.

I have been a big fan of Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo and if I had disposable income I would hire their visual therapy services to do a closet/style consult.  Since that isn't my life I read their books.  In their first book Nothing to Wear  they break down cleaning out a closest into the simplest terms I could ever think of: Does it Fit, Does it Look Good on You, Do You Like It, and if the answer is no to any one of those questions you get rid of it.  Which is what I did.  Now I have a closet that only contains clothes that I love to wear.

Photo by LizMarie 

21 Out of 32: Get Organized

I mentioned in an earlier post taking a Skillshare class.  I've recently taken some more and in the middle of taking some others.  I mostly wanted to brush up on some computer programs and skills that I'm using more frequently such as html, keynote, and photoshop.  I'm also taking some more classes to brush up on my writing skills.

The one class that I have recently completed and has been more helpful than I imaged is one on productivity.  I have always been really good at making sure I leave the work week with everything all tied up.  The problem is I would work an insane amount of hours to get everything done.  Earlier this year I made a better work life balance effort and got myself to a point where I wasn't working crazy hours everyday and still producing work I was proud of.  I wanted to take it to the next level and find a way to get not just the priority things done, but the things that mean a lot to me in my personal and professional life.

Photo by Claire

Having things like to do lists and filing systems aren't my style.  I'm spontaneous by nature and am not a big fan of schedules.  The older I get the more I find myself depending on schedules especially for social things like getting together with friends.  The days of being bored on a random Saturday and packing up with some friends on a last minute road trip seem to be over.  I feel I end up booking plans weeks in advance because that's how we all operate now.  But there are some advantages to scheduling and tracking everything.

I've found that writing things down on a to do list gets them out of my head so I stress less about feeling like I have to remember everything.  Scheduling has helped me be able to map things out better and find open spaces to fill with spontaneous things and flights of fancy.  I get what I need to do done so I have more time to do what I want to do.  Another small step, but it makes life a bit less chaotic.

20 Out of 32: Dying my hair a crazy color

So I first dyed my hair when I was in 8th grade and had dyed it throughout most of high school.  I have been every shade of brunette, red, and was even a strawberry blonde at one point.  I have always had a desire to do something more drastic though.  I would always talk myself out of it with excuses like it wouldn't be professional or I'm too old.

I decided to throw caution to the wind and go Platinum Blonde!  Do I love it?  No (it is early though and it takes me about a week to warm up to a new hair cut or color).  Do I hate it?  No.  Am I glad that I did it?  Yes!  It was very liberating.  This wasn't the most exciting thing on my list of 32 things, but it was a huge act of bravery on my part.  Who knows maybe cotton candy pink hair is in my future.

19 Out of 32: Recognizing the Love of My Life

So when I first started this blog I mentioned that I'm not big on dating.  I'm even less into relationships. My last relationship was over two years ago and even that was merely noteworthy at best.  These past few months have been an interesting progress for me.

This winter I started seeing someone casually.  He was only in town for a few months on a freelance project so we agreed to keep it light.  We had a nice little fling and have not been in touch since he moved back to his home state.  It was perhaps the simplest "relationship" I've ever had.  There was fun, passion, and no hurt feelings by either party.

After that I thought maybe I can do this relationship thing.  So I started dating more and in late spring I started seeing this guy.  Again it was very casual.  We would only see each other about once a week. He was very nice and much more of a gentleman than most of the guys I've dated (I tend to date more frogs than princes).  However we got to that point during dating where things would have transitioned into a relationship a lot of things happened.  I was sick and then I got busy with work.  I kept canceling dates and taking rain checks, or finding excuses to not be free when he would ask me out.  This really nice guy didn't bolt, but was patient and never complained.  I felt bad that I just had too much going on in my life and ended up breaking things off for good.  My sister asked why I didn't just say I'm having a couple of crazy weeks and see if we could pick up in a few weeks.  That's when it hit me, I didn't do that because despite him being a nice guy whom I had a lot of common interests with and physical chemistry, I just wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

This got me thinking about relationships, dating and where they fit into my life.  I feel like the past decade of my life has been a cycle of not dating for long periods then serial dating because I thought that's what I should be doing.  I've rationalized all the reasons why dating was hard for me:  I wasn't pretty enough, I was a magnet for undesirable guys, guys whom I would be interested in weren't interested in me, I was too busy, etc.  I sat down with the truth which is I'm not in a relationship because...I don't want to be.

I'm not single because I have shortcomings.  I'm single because I choose to be. I had a very dear friend and mentor who gave me some good advice this winter when I was having my casual relationship.  He told me that because I love my job so much and am so invested in it I was going to have to make a choice.  He told me that I'd have room in my life for one other thing.  He said I could have a side project, a relationship, a hobby, etc but that to do both my job and my other thing well and personally be satisfied I'd have to choose just one thing outside of work.  I've made that choice and I choose me.  I choose to focus on writing projects that allow me the creative outlet I need, giving myself time to lead an active and healthy life, and being open to new experiences and journeys.

Does this mean I don't date?  No.  This means I am open to dating and the possibility of seeing where that could go, but not pursuing a relationship.  If I find someone who suddenly becomes priority enough for me to carve out the extra space in my life then so be it, but it isn't something I'm concerned about.

I've always known that if I remained single that I would be okay, but I'm finally embracing that I perhaps would actually prefer my life that way. When I'm an old lady (who will no doubt be senile with half a dozen bunnies running around her apartment) I want to think back on my life and make sure that I filled it with the things that were most important.  If I don't have a partner, spouse, or kids I don't think I'll regret that as much as I would waking up realizing that I gave up on professional dreams and personal aspirations because I was focused on finding a relationship. Do I have moments where I'm at a party of all couples and think why don't I have that...you bet your ass I do.  But, at the end of the day those moments are fleeting and the pros of being single outweigh the cons for me.  Unless that scale suddenly flips...I've found the love of my life and it's me.

18 Out of 32: Journal

When I recently went to San Francisco one of my favorite things to do was just walk through the neighborhoods.  I would take in the places and people.  When I needed a break I'd find a cafe to grab a coffee to read and people watch some more.  It reminded me of when I first moved to NYC.  That was how I got to know the city.

My favorite neighborhood was The Haight. I kept finding myself returning there to browse in funky clothing stores, grabbing a Cherry Blossom Latte or Jasmine Gelato at Coffee Cantana, and checking out all these sodas that I never knew existed at the Fizzary.   On my last trip to the neighborhood I picked up a journal at The Booksmith.  I haven't journaled since I was in college.

Photo by Walt Stoneburner 

I've blogged and had other writing outlets, but there is something to be said for journaling.  For me it has taken two forms.  One is a more traditional form of journaling which is just private conversations I have with myself.  My goal with this blog was to be as true to my voice as possible, but there is something to having a conversation with yourself that you can't replicate elsewhere.

The other form of journaling is less interesting, but has been helpful and that is just recording how what I do and intake make me feel.  I had a really bad couple of months of acid reflux and found that certain foods trigger it.  I made this realization through journaling what I eat.

Journaling can take all different forms.  About six months ago I reviewed old notes from the last time a journaled which was about 10 years ago.  It was interesting listening to my 21 year old self now.  I can't imagine what my 41 year old (gulp) self will think of what I'm writing now.

17 Out of 32: Going a Little Greener

As Kermit the Frog said, "It's not easy being green." There are lots of things I could be better about with reducing my carbon footprint.  I recycle like most people in New York do, although I have to say after visiting San Francisco, the West Coast has us beat when it comes to composting.  Despite NYC being a big city that often gets a bad rap for it's garbage, I have to say there are some easy ways to be green in this city.  I used to volunteer with Transportation Alternatives  a non profit dedicated to getting more people to walk, bike, or use mass transit.

Yet there were other things I could do in my life to be a little kinder to mother Earth.  Here are some new practices that I've adopted.  They may not change the world, but they make me feel better ecologically and in some cases physically.

Eating Greener: I recently wrote a post about eating cleaner.  The other great thing about cutting out processed foods is you can get everything you need at the farmers market.  I love helping out local farmers and venders, plus you enjoy fresh foods that you just can't get at the supermarket.  I never see Wild Strawberries at Gristedes and Lavender Honey Goat's Cheese at the farmer's market is better than your run of the mill processed cheese product any day.  The prices are great too!  I recently got the yummiest cucumbers for about a third of the price I would have payed at Whole Foods.  The farmer's market also is a good reminder for me to use my reusable bags.  Even Milo has gone green.  One of his favorite treats is when he gets wheatgrass from the farmer's market.  He get a lot of his other produce from the farmer's market too.  He loves his kale, carrots, and berries.  Another bonus to having him is since I live a alone I used to waste produce all the time, now there are two of us who can enjoy mother nature's yummiest before it spoils and has to be thrown out.

Milo going to town on his kale! 

Using Natural Products for Beauty and Hygiene: I had starting using Tom's of Maine deodorant years ago when I learned that aluminum was one of the ingredients in most store brand antiperspirants.  But this year I have gone even more natural.  Lately I've been getting a lot of comments on how healthy my hair looks.  I'm hesitant to tell people this when they ask what I've been doing but I stopped using store bought shampoo and conditioner because they are filled with harsh chemicals.  It sounds crazy, but I now wash my hair with baking soda and condition it with diluted apple cider vinegar.  By the way both of these products are amazing for other things.  I mix baking soda in my toothpaste for a whiter smile and apple cider vinegar is also a great skin toner and I drink a little to help with acid reflux flair ups.

Using Natural Products for Cleaning:  I don't like using chemicals when cleaning now that I have Mr. Milo.  White vinegar has been great for cleaning out things like his litter box but also for cleaning the hard wood floors in the rooms he hangs out in.

16 out of 32: My First LARP

I was never into Dungeons and Dragons or Magic as a kid.  I was a nerd, but a nerd of a different breed.  I have a number of friends who were/are into those games as well as LARPing (Live Action Roll Play).  LARPing isn't something that I thought I would really want to do.  I enjoy Lord of the Rings, but I have no desire to be an Elf and wear a medieval costume for a weekend.

However I recently had the opportunity to go to a LARP that was right up my ally.  I went to a James Bond themed event put on by Aces and Ops.  I love James Bond movies and have always had a fantasy about being a Bond Girl.  I did go a Pussy Galore once for a James Bond themed New Year's Eve party.  But, for this event I got to create my own character.  It was a lot of fun!  I dressed up in cocktail attire, went with some really good friends, and had a blast!  We got to take part in solving a mystery and formed alliances with other characters.

Image by Don Kennedy 

It was a really fun experience.  Okay so maybe I was letting my nerd flag fly a little, but who cares!  I did kick ass in the James Bond trivia round.  I can't wait for the next event!

 

15 out of 32: Eating Cleaner

I have been on more diets than I can remember at this point.  Weight wise I'm at a pretty healthy place, I'm five pounds lighter than my goal weight (which is okay since it is still a healthy BMI for me).  I'm focused more on toning than weight loss at this point.  

I have been working on altering my diet though.  Mostly because I have acid reflux.  It has progressively been getting worse, I am seeing a doctor (which I strongly recommend to anyone with any type of digestive issue), but I have noticed that I feel better when I eat certain foods and worse when I eat others.

The foods that I notice I don't typically feel great after eating are: meat, heavy dairy (full fat cheese, sour cream, etc), and white flour (breads, pasta).  So I've been making a conscious effort to cut these foods down to a minimum and focus on eating things that agree more with my stomach like beans, veggies, soy, and fish.

I started off slow by incorporating a meatless monday into my routine.  Now that has expanded to not keeping any of these foods that make me feel lousy and I'm trying to keep eating them period to a minimum.  It's a small start, but when I follow this plan I feel better.

Photo by Danny Boyster 

14 Out of 32: Help Others

I used to volunteer on a regular basis when I was a student.  When I first moved to NYC I would do some one off volunteering with God's Love We Deliver and Transportation Alternatives.  I have been wanting to volunteer on a more regular basis but it challenging for a few reasons.  1. A lot of the organizations I'm interested in helping don't really need volunteers at this point or need people on weekdays when I am working.  2. Time in general it is hard to commit to always being free at a given day or time every week.

I wanted to volunteer about something I was really passionate about and an opportunity presented itself to me.  Sparkpeople is a health and fitness website that I love.  I recently had the opportunity to lead one of the teams.  It is fun setting up fitness challenges, encouraging others, and being willing to share my story.  Vulnerability isn't my strong suit, so this is a good way to push myself.

This wasn't the type of volunteering I had in mind when I set this goal for myself, but this year is all about surprising myself.  

Photo by Oklanica 

13 out of 32: Take a Solo Vacation

I consider myself fairly independent.  I live alone, I was responsible for paying for my own education, and I am typically an initiator rather than a follower when it comes to making social plans.  I have traveled before on my own, but it has usually been day trips or an overnighter.  I've never gone on a full scale vacation by myself.  Actually I moved to New York almost 7 years ago and since then I have not traveled if it didn't involve going to see friends or family.

I wanted to take a trip that was for me and not worry about someone else's agenda.  I chose to go to San Francisco (more on that in an upcoming post).  I had a ball.  I do have friends there and met up with some of them, but I also had a lot of me time to explore.  What have I learned?  My favorite travel companion ever is...ME!

I had the time of my life and I have to start traveling like this more often.  I am learned things that I probably already knew about myself, but this experience just reinforced them.  These self realizations include:

1. I can make friends with anyone.  I'm did Airbnb for the first time and I really enjoyed the host I stayed with.  We met up for coffee most mornings before departing for our separate days.  In the course of one day I managed to strike up a conversation with a guy while waiting in line for the restroom, who proceeded to ask me out (I declined, mostly because at best you get a fling when you are only in town for six days and that's not what this trip is about), befriended patrons at a movie in The Castro Theater (including the man outside the theater with kittens), and chatted with some ex-New Yorkers who invited me to join their table at a coffee shop.

2. I have stamina.  I walked my tail off the whole trip.  Sure I was pooped by the end of the day, but life is too short to not take in as much as you can.

3. I'm game for anything. Not having plans lead to great encounters with people and places that I never would have had if I had made an agenda for myself.

I also learned what great company I can be.  I like to make this joke, that if I wasn't me I'd get tired of hanging out with me all day, which is really a self deprecating thing to think.  After this trip I realize what great company I am. I think a solo trip should be something I do every year now.