4 Out of 33: Revisit the Vision Board

Last year I was focusing on balance and part of one of my challenges was coming up with a vision board .  I hung it in my living room and lately I've been staring at it a bit bothered by the blank spaces.  I decided to revisit it and add to the board.  It looks less uniform now which is actually more my style, but what surprised me wasn't the aesthetics as much as what I was adding to the board.

When I created the vision board I was filling it with quotes about self esteem and body image because that is what I was occupied with last year.  Not that those aren't things that I still struggle with, but I found myself gravitating to other things.  When I finished the board I realized I was adding quotes about inspiration and motivation.  I think that is because I want to be seen as someone who is inspiring and motivating, but also in thinking about open doors I want to be open to inspiration coming from unexpected places.

 I also found myself adding more images this time around. They were mostly faces of women, not any famous women, but depictions of the type of women from other eras that I admire: flappers, 19th century stage actresses, free spirits of the Flower Power days.  These are women who enjoyed life, weren't dragged down by inhibitions or social norms, and didn't let romantic relationships dictate their life.  I'm not surprised I added these images.  This sounds cheesy, but lately I've been thinking about the scene from my favorite Disney (I know right?) cartoon, Beauty and the Beast where Belle runs out into the field of grandfather dandelions and proclaims, "...and for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they've got planned."  No wonder she was my favorite Disney heroine growing up, I still feel like I've never been in a relationship with a guy who fully got me.  I sympathize Belle.

The other image I added were some butterflies.  I used to be very into butterflies as a kid.  I used to think I was like a caterpillar and someday I'd be something else, something beautiful and confidant.  Another cheesy cartoon obsession from my past was Katy the Caterpillar which was a Japanese film that was dubbed in English.  Katy doesn't fit in with the other caterpillars so she goes off to visit other animals and try and become them, but nothing works until she returns and builds a cocoon.  

I've been thinking about butterflies again, but not really in the body image context.  It is more about metamorphosis to the person I'm supposed to become.  So long story short I want to revisit my board every year.  I want to see where I change and grow each year and what my new priorities become.

This Year's Theme

In my last post I talked about my theme for last year's challenge which was balance.  While balance is something I'll always be working on I wanted this year to have it's own theme and overarching challenge.  There are many things I thought about doing and who knows I may use some of these during a future year.

The one I ultimately chose, hit me by accident.  I was at the dollar store buying craft supplies and they had 2015 calendars out.  I had no intention of getting a calendar.  We still have several months left to go in 2014, I tend to get at least one wall calendar as a holiday gift every year, and I am such a convert to digital tools that I gave up things like paper calendars and planners a couple years back.  However there was one that stuck out to me.

There was one with different doors from all over the world and different quotes mostly around doors opening.  I purchased it...hey it was only a buck...and am using it not as a calendar, but as inspiration for this year.  Is my theme doors?  No.  These images and quotes got me thinking though.  In most areas of my life I'm an optimist, especially when it comes to my friends.  If I had a role in life it would be the cheerleader.  I'm an encourager and I try to be as supportive as possible...to others.  I really stink at doing this for myself.  I see challenges in my own life as roadblocks and when things don't work out the way I had hoped it would I just see doors slamming in my face.  What I want to work on this year is seeing the closed doors as opportunities not failures.  When the door closes on one possibility another one opens it.  I need to take a step back and recognize what options I really have in these situations and if there are opportunities that may be better than the original path I was taking.

Photo by Riccardo Cuppini 

So that is this year's theme and partially why I'm choosing not to have preset achievements.  Let's see where the year goes.

“She knocked and waited, because when the door was opened from within, it had the potential to lead someplace quite different.” -Laini Taylor 

33 Before 33

I started this blog around New Year's Day as an alternative to a New Year's resolution.  I'm not big on New Year's resolutions.  In my past experience I tend to set some lofty goal (usually weight loss related), I'm diligent for about two weeks, and then when I realize it is impossible to achieve I give up and feel like crap about myself.

32 before 32 was a great experience.  I had eight months (it was a little rushed because I started in January instead of August) to complete 32 things I wanted to.  I approached it by having a mix prescribed goals to hit and some unexpected ones that came out of where the year took me.  I also had an overarching theme of balance.

What I learned from this experience was that I loved the spontaneous accomplishments more than premeditated ones and that the overarching theme for the year was helpful.  Balance is a life long challenge for all of us and something that I always need to keep in perspective, but for 33 before 33 I've decided a new theme is in order...more on that soon.  I've also decided to not prescribe any specific achievements and to instead see where this year takes me.  33 before 33 here we go.

30 Out of 32: Disconnect

I know that I recently wrote about reconnecting , but equally important is disconnecting.  I know it seems like these too things contradict one another, but this I think they complement one another.  After all I said this was the year of balance.  By disconnecting I mean two things.

1. Taking time to unplug.  I  like most people am so dependent on technology for work and my personal life.  I've been forcing myself to take time everyday to do activities the require me to log off: working out, meditating, crafting, etc.  I've found that this helps me clear my head and remember there is this big, wonderful world outside of the internet.

2. Making sure I have me time.  My life gets busy between work, hanging with friends, networking, and dating.  I often would find myself with weeks where I never had any down time for me.  I've made an effort to make sure I at least get one day of me time.  It isn't always easy.  It often means turing down plans, but I do this to keep balanced and I find it helps me prevent myself from burning out on the other facets of my life.

24 out of 32: Finding a Writing Routine

One of my goals that I felt I was failing at all year was finding a writing routine.  I would try blocking off a particular time or day and it always felt that life was getting in the way.  I kept coming up with excuses of why a routine wouldn't work for me, but then found that I got no writing done.  I decided to do the simplest thing possible as part of my larger getting organized process.  I scheduled in my daily to do list that I have to write for 30 minutes.  It doesn't matter when and it doesn't matter what, but I have to write for 30 minutes minimum a day.  It feels great when I'm able to surpass that goal, but it is small enough of a goal for me to know that I can always meet it.  Maybe I'll have a loftier writing routine in the future, but for now this works.

Photo by Gregory Wake 

23 Out of 32: Learn to Meditate

Meditation is something that I've always been a little leery about to be honest.  There are so many types of meditation and I always assumed you needed to subscribe to Hinduism or Buddhism if you went to a meditation center to learn.  However as I have been looking for more balance this year the thought of meditating has been more appealing.

Photo by Talon Kasmai 

I found a center that uses Buddhist meditation practices, but waters it down for beginners.  You don't need to be a Buddhist or know anything about Buddhist philosophy to participate.  It is all about three things: 1. Posture, 2. Breathing, 3. Getting back on track if you get distracted.  Meditation is not easy and I get distracted with other thoughts easily, but I want to try to make this a simple 10 minute a day practice.  Will this change me and lead to more balance and less stress?  I have no idea, but I'm willing to try.  

21 Out of 32: Get Organized

I mentioned in an earlier post taking a Skillshare class.  I've recently taken some more and in the middle of taking some others.  I mostly wanted to brush up on some computer programs and skills that I'm using more frequently such as html, keynote, and photoshop.  I'm also taking some more classes to brush up on my writing skills.

The one class that I have recently completed and has been more helpful than I imaged is one on productivity.  I have always been really good at making sure I leave the work week with everything all tied up.  The problem is I would work an insane amount of hours to get everything done.  Earlier this year I made a better work life balance effort and got myself to a point where I wasn't working crazy hours everyday and still producing work I was proud of.  I wanted to take it to the next level and find a way to get not just the priority things done, but the things that mean a lot to me in my personal and professional life.

Photo by Claire

Having things like to do lists and filing systems aren't my style.  I'm spontaneous by nature and am not a big fan of schedules.  The older I get the more I find myself depending on schedules especially for social things like getting together with friends.  The days of being bored on a random Saturday and packing up with some friends on a last minute road trip seem to be over.  I feel I end up booking plans weeks in advance because that's how we all operate now.  But there are some advantages to scheduling and tracking everything.

I've found that writing things down on a to do list gets them out of my head so I stress less about feeling like I have to remember everything.  Scheduling has helped me be able to map things out better and find open spaces to fill with spontaneous things and flights of fancy.  I get what I need to do done so I have more time to do what I want to do.  Another small step, but it makes life a bit less chaotic.

7 Out of 32: Healthy Work/Life Balance

One of my goals for this year was to have a better work life balance.  This is something I've always struggled with because I am a bit of a workaholic.  To me true balance is feeling like your able to be giving your all at work, but still having time for the other areas in your life.  Part of being single, I have to admit is allowing myself to say I'm too busy to date, but that is a cop out.  I've never worked at an office where we were so busy that no one had a romantic relationship.  I rarely allow myself to take vacation time.  Since I've been in New York for almost 7 years the only time off I've ever taken has been to visit friends or family during holidays or major life events.

I've decided that 2014 is the year of balance for me.  This means taking care of myself.  I still get to be the worker bee that I am because not being that way wouldn't be natural for me, there are still days where I will put in 15+ hours because it is needed, and I will still do some work on the weekend.  These are all part of my nature.  However what this means in terms of balance is not being afraid to take time off because I know I don't abuse that, disconnecting when I can (spending quality time with friends and not on my email if I don't have to be), trying to take at least one day during the weekend to be off line (that isn't always possible, but on weeks that it is allowing myself to do that).  I think this makes me more productive/pleasant because I won't burn out.

But balance also means focusing on work and your future.  You should never let it go to the wayside.  We should always be growing and developing.  My friend Elissa recently recommend that I read and take the Strength Finder assessment which as Elissa pointed out was quite helpful.  I (like a lot of people) can point out my weakness/shortcomings and whenever I have self assessments that is what I tend to focus on.  This gave me the opportunity to view things from a different lens.  The things that are my strengths aren't things that I would think of.  They are things that I assume everyone else is skilled in, but as my friend Elissa pointed out, not everyone is.  I read it through the lens she suggested which is think of how you communicate.  One of my strengths is Empathy and I honestly assume that most people are empathic, but I am realizing that being able to just read people is a gift that I wasn't aware of. Sometimes whether in work or my personal life I'll think how could someone phrase or do something in front of so and so, don't they know how hurtful that was.  The truth is, no they didn't.  Empathy and the other strengths I have are things I want to really focus on using to the best of my ability.

Milo "helping" with my vision board

The other recent thing I did is create a vision board.  I've heard of this and I'll admit I always thought it was kind of hokey.   But my friend Tina brought the idea of vision boards up a couple weekends ago and it seemed like an interesting exercise.  I had pulled images that spoke to me, but ended up focusing on words and phrase that stuck out to me.  These are things I want to see in my professional and personal life in the future. The one phrase that I put on there several times is "Love Who You Are".  I also happen to have this quote on my current wallet.  It is my reminder that I need to be easier on myself.  Because true balance and the things I want can't be achieved if I don't believe in myself and think that I'm worth it.

Embracing Imperfection

While I was going through things in my mom's house last month I came across all my records from Pre School through High School.  This included everything from awards, programs of school plays, and report cards.  Looking through report cards through grade school there would be comments every quarter from the teachers and then a space for parents to leave comments back.  My sister and I found it funny that there would be teacher comments that said things like "Paula is bright", "Paula is a joy in class," etc and my mom's comments were always "Paula could do better."

I can laugh about it now, but I remember always being stressed out by my weaknesses and areas where I wasn't "perfect" (yes that still freaks me out).  I don't think my mom made comments like that to be mean, I think they were meant to push me to do even better, but is good enough at something such a bad thing?

Photo by Greg McMullin 

I sometimes stress out because I see people around me who are brilliant in ways I could never dream of. They tend to excel in one particular area and shine brighter than everyone else.  I'm not like that and I never have been.  I'm good at lots of things, but I've never found one thing that I'm great at.  Maybe that isn't such a bad thing though.

Think about it.  Would you rather have a friend who was one of the following: the best listener, the most thoughtful, the smartest, etc or would you rather have a friend who was a good listener, thoughtful, smart etc?  The people I admire most both personally and professionally are people who seem to do well in a number of areas, but aren't necessarily a rock star in one particular sector of their lives.  They don't have to be because being good at a lot of little things adds up to being a great person.  So the lesson to be had is to give myself a break.  I don't want to kill myself trying to be great when I think I could be happy with just being good.

Love Letters

There is no better surprise when you drag your tired ass home on a typical weeknight after a day of work and errands to find mail (aside from bills) waiting for you. Tonight it was so nice to come home to a card from my friend Sam who lives in Cleveland.  It was a just because note (in my opinion the best kind of note) saying that it was nice seeing me when I was in town last month and just reinforcing how important our friendship is.

I am a huge fan of snail mail and personal notes.  Email is great and convenient at work, but I hate it in my personal life.  My good friends know if they want to reach me by email to email me at my work address because I check my personal email once or twice a month these days if I'm lucky.  My really good friends know not to email me at all but communicate with me some other way.  

When I was in Cleveland and cleaning out my mom's house I was going through my things from childhood through to grad school and one of the most precious things I came across were letters and notes I had saved from college.  These included drawings and notes from little girls I babysat in high school writing me to say they missed me since I had moved, letters from my friend Tommy who graduated a couple years before me and was sharing his experiences volunteering in South America, notes from my girlfriends Elissa, Julie, and Amy where we bared our souls about our fears and dreams for the future.  

I used to be so good a writing notes and cards.  Now aside from Thank You notes I'm really bad at it.  I want to make writing letters and notes more often part of my journey towards balance this year because it is something that is important to me. Getting mail like my note today and rereading these old letters makes me feel so amazing. It is a reinforcement of being loved and valued by others.  I want my friends to experience the joy of coming home to a random note just telling them how much they mean to me.  

I'm sure I come across as a bit sappy and I probably am.  However through losing family and friends over the course of my life I've come to believe that you shouldn't wait for tomorrow to tell someone how much they mean to you because tomorrow isn't a guarantee...but today is.  

Balance

Photo by Nathalie Babineau-Griffiths 

Balance is something that I think everyone struggles with at one point or another.  We have so many different areas of our lives: work, relationships, health and well being.  I constantly struggle with the pendulum swing of feeling like if I'm doing really well in one area then I am doing poorly in the other areas.  

One of my goals is to find a better balance in my life.  I need to sweat the small stuff less and learn that not everything in life is a priority.  I am a type A person who always thinks that I could be doing a better job.  I don't want 2014 to be the year of work success, having the best relationship of my life, or taking a long self reflective journey.  If any or all of those things happy that's gravy, but I want this to be the year of balance.  I want to say no when I'm being asked to take on too much, I want to make time for friends, but feel comfortable saying no to invites when I just need a day to myself, I want to put myself out there and date more, but not stress about finding Mr. Right, and I want to be truly comfortable in my own skin.  That sounds like a lot and perhaps it is, but balance is sort of like your spine: if one vertebrae is out of whack your whole back hurts.  

So let this be my year of balance.  I'm going to focus on each of the areas of my life and give them a little bit of equal attention rather than obsessing over just one of the components that make up me.   

Photo by ga.mike