22 Out of 32: Purging My Closet

I am terrible about spring cleaning.  I always think I'm going to do it, but never get around to it.  I decided this year to tackle it one task at a time to get what I could done.  I started with my closet.  I suffer from that common problem that most women have which is a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear.  I am a pack rat when it comes to such things I find excuses to hang onto to clothes that I don't really wear anymore: "That's too big now but what if I gain weight", "That needs to be taken in, but I'll get around to it," etc.

I have been a big fan of Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo and if I had disposable income I would hire their visual therapy services to do a closet/style consult.  Since that isn't my life I read their books.  In their first book Nothing to Wear  they break down cleaning out a closest into the simplest terms I could ever think of: Does it Fit, Does it Look Good on You, Do You Like It, and if the answer is no to any one of those questions you get rid of it.  Which is what I did.  Now I have a closet that only contains clothes that I love to wear.

Photo by LizMarie 

20 Out of 32: Dying my hair a crazy color

So I first dyed my hair when I was in 8th grade and had dyed it throughout most of high school.  I have been every shade of brunette, red, and was even a strawberry blonde at one point.  I have always had a desire to do something more drastic though.  I would always talk myself out of it with excuses like it wouldn't be professional or I'm too old.

I decided to throw caution to the wind and go Platinum Blonde!  Do I love it?  No (it is early though and it takes me about a week to warm up to a new hair cut or color).  Do I hate it?  No.  Am I glad that I did it?  Yes!  It was very liberating.  This wasn't the most exciting thing on my list of 32 things, but it was a huge act of bravery on my part.  Who knows maybe cotton candy pink hair is in my future.

Seeing Isn't Always Believing

I have been thinking lately about what I'd like to do when I grow up.  Friends ask me what I could see myself doing in Five or Ten years.  I hate that question because in truth I don't know, but what I do know is I would love to do something where my job is to make people feel better about themselves.  It bothers me when I see brilliant friends lacking confidence in their abilities, talented friends who are mortified at sharing their gifts because they aren't good enough, and beautiful people who think they aren't attractive.  I want to shake them and yell "why can't you see what I see", but I can't do that because I realize I don't see what other people see.

I spoke in an earlier post  about my body image issues.  I have never been as healthy or as small as I am currently yet I often feel inadequate.  I still often feel like the largest person in the room even though that isn't true.  To give myself some much needed perspective I looked up famous women who are my size and found out that I could swap outfits with J Lo, Beyonce, Kate Winslet, and Cindy Crawford.  I'm wear a smaller size than a number of other famous women whom I consider to be gorgeous.  So then why can't I cut myself some slack?  It goes back to the old adage of we're all our on worst enemies.  But I have to let it go.  Why?  If I'm my worst enemy then how can I be a friend to someone else?  If I don't believe others when they tell me I'm beautiful then why should they believe me when I say it about them?        

4 Out of 32: Selfie Challenge

I ended January by completing my fourth out of 32 things to do before 32.  It was a project I actually started on the 1st day of January, which was to do a 30 day selfie challenge.  This plays into my whole body image insecurities that I spoke about in an earlier post.

I really don't love having my picture taken.  I'm not photogenic and only have a few pictures of myself that I actually like.  I'll pose for pictures with friends because I like having those memories, but I know that I'm always going to think everyone else looks perfect and I don't.  So this was a challenge to take 30 pictures of myself and post them on Instagram.  There are a number of Instragram projects like this floating around with different hashtags.  I chose to use #abeautifulmess because of all the ones that seemed the most appropriate.

I took pictures from all different angles and some are more flattering than others.  This was deliberate.  I have this perception that everyone else always looks great and I always look terrible.  I have come to realize that most people feel this way about themselves.  I want to stop the cycle of always feeling inferior when it comes to my body and face.

Does that mean that after 30 days of self photos I have no body images issues and think I'm incredible looking?  Of course not.  But this is my attempt to say to myself that even though I'm not "perfect" (whatever that may be) I'm a beautiful person, even with what I consider to be flaws.

By no means am I radiating with self confidence at this point, but it is a small step towards that.  You can view my photos at my Instagram profile.  It was a 30 day challenge, but I finished today because I skipped a day by accident.  That's okay...this isn't the year about being perfect.  This is the year about being imperfect and accepting that.