Love

Valentine's Day is a holiday that most people love or boycott with a passion.  I personally fall somewhere in the middle.  I love vintage cards and bringing in treats for friends and coworkers.  But, I don't go in for the whole romance thing.  Even when I'm seeing someone around Valentine's Day I think it is better to do something low key since saying and showing someone that you care should be something you do everyday.

Photo by Leland Francisco 

This year I found myself in the in between being in a relationship and single.  I've been here before and it can be a confusing place.  I started seeing someone and we really like each other.  We have a lot of common interests, have great conversation, and the chemistry is fantastic.  Under normal circumstances we could have a relationship, but he doesn't live here and is only temporarily here for work.  I'm okay with the arrangement of seeing each other, but not pursuing this as something that will last beyond his stay.  It's good to have a fling every so often.  I find myself particularly guarded though,  I didn't want to do anything for V Day because I think it creates a lot of pressure.

What I do have to keep in check is myself.  Whenever I'm in this in between sort of relationship I have to ask myself is this perhaps the best type of relationship for me since I am so focused on work and other things in my life or do I allow myself to have something casual and temporary because I don't think I'm worth more than that.  In truth I don't know the answer, but I'm a work in progress.

So what is it I want in the future?  I don't have a biological clock issue.  I've never thought I'd be incomplete if I didn't get married or have kids.  I haven't ruled those things out as possibilities, but they aren't things I really think about.  I do think that I would like companionship in the future.  I'd like a guy whose my best friend and lover.  I don't know if that means marriage or even living together, again those aren't things I get hung up about, but the sliver of a hopeless romantic in me thinks that there is someone out there for me.

But enough with the mush.  If there is one thing I have learned it is I'd rather be single than with the wrong person.  I continue to be open to the possibility of love, but it isn't something I let consume me.